so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
