I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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