Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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