Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
