When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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