Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
