Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize