that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
