i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
