we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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