Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
