There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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