Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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