Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
