It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i've created a new STD.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
