I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
