im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
