I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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