Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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