If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
