Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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