She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize