I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
