oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize