we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
