dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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