So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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