I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
