She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
