I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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