We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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