im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
