You don't have asthma, your pregnant
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize