I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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