how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
