I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize