Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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