You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
