I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
