I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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