There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
