Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
