Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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