We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
