I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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