Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
