He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
