he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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