it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We smell like vodka and hangover
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