You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
