So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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