I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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