david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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