I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
