What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
