508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
