I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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