dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
