remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
