you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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