end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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