just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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