we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
