he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
