The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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