hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have fence marks all over my body
I still have a little drunk in my system
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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