i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
