great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
