How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
