I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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