I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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