we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
